A few years ago, my father passed away

By Lamia Ferdous

A few years ago, my father passed away. 

It came as a shock to me not because of what happened, but why it happened, and why so soon. It was a devastating moment for our family here as well as back home. I still remember the tantalizing feeling of going to the hospital, coming back home with him, and going back to the emergency room. I dislike remembering those days. Sometimes I try really hard to forget them… I am still trying. I only want to keep the good memories of him– call me selfish if you will. 

One of the memories I have of him is how he used to bring me balloons on Eid. Shortly after praying the Eid Jamat he used to bring five to six balloons for me. It wasn’t anything fancy, just a thing he used to do which later became a tradition. This tradition was a small gesture, yet very heartwarming.  

My dad loved to travel. He enjoyed visiting new places, seeing new things, and meeting new people. We went to so many places together. Back home he had to go on tours for work purposes which meant family outings for us–especially for my mom. She saw so much of the world with him. We went on a family vacation to India in 1995. We went through Delhi, Rajasthan, Agra, and Kolkata. I don’t remember the exact number of days we spent but it was well constructed and we had an immense amount of fun. We also went on a trip to London. My dad’s older sister lives there and she wanted us to visit her. Even though it was only for about a week or so, we were able to explore different monuments and simply have fun with family.

Pleasant moments always bring people closer.

Another pleasant memory was the birth of my younger brother in 2002. My dad was the happiest man alive. I could hear how delighted he was over the phone. He was overwhelmed with joy and wanted to share the good news with everyone we knew. I remember the sweet scent of mishti wafting in the air upon my brother’s arrival from the hospital. 

Many years later, in 2016, my son Liam was born. A splendid surprise! My son is the living proof of my joy. He is almost 3 years old now. Sometimes when I look at him, I see my dad smiling back at me with his teeth. I wonder how excited my father would have been today to meet my son. The thing I regret the most is my Liam being deprived of his Nana’s (grandfather’s) love. The relationship between a grandfather and his grandson is unique and unexplainable. It’s something only those two can feel through emotions. I see that nowadays when I see Liam with his Dada (grandfather from father’s side). The relationship I had with my Nana was one word: awesome! He used to bring us presents, tell us stories, and give us sweet treats. I miss my son not getting that from his Nana. I hate the fact that Liam has one less person to spoil him, one less person to call him silly, made up names, one less person to give in with all of his demands, one less person to hug him and of course one less person to love him unconditionally.

Dad, today marks exactly 10 years that you aren’t with us anymore. I don’t miss you Abbu because you only miss those whom you forget. I only miss loving you.