If only you understood.
Understood how the words that come out of your mouth are bullets that graze against my being, leaving marks on my being, deeming me defective in my own eyes.
It’s been a year since what should have been such a proud day in our lives, and while I should be happy, I’m the unhappiest I’ve ever been.
Nothing I do or am feels like it’s enough…and I’m tired.
I’m so tired of constantly having to prove myself to make it seem as though I am enough for all of you.
I was never treated like a child when I was a child, and here I am, a woman, out of school and ready to start the next part of my life, being pushed back in time.
You’ve been controlling me, making me feel smaller.
You’ve called me your property now when you never would have thought such a thing before.
You’ve told me to die and go to hell for something as simple as wanting to cut my hair.
Anything that would give me some bit of life is stepped on like my feelings are nothing.
I’ve let go of all the things that make me happy to try and make all of you happy
And yet you wonder why I am the way I am.
Because I’m not happy.
I haven’t been in some time.
You claim I understand too much and so you can’t speak with me.
I understand what you understand, but you just don’t want to see my side of things.
You’re the parents, you’re supposedly always right, but really, you’re not.
Only God really knows how unhappy I’ve been this past year.
For someone who is strong, I’ve never felt weaker as I cry every day.
I cry at my life.
I cry at how you’ve always told me I can speak with you in times of need, but when I do, suddenly how I feel is wrong to you, and I’m forced to keep how I feel inside.
I cry at wishing time can move quicker so I can leave sooner, leave to never look back, leave to search for what’s lost.
I cry at how I wish that God can curse me with something wicked so death can free me from this cage.
I cry at my even wishing such a thing.
It’s sad to think I’ve never been bound before, and when the world should be limitless to me, I’m being held back by who should be my family.
I’ve stopped living my life to live yours, and I shouldn’t have to do such a thing.
Please, just set me free.